ranting post-hours

My day started in a mad dash across my room to find my Stevie pic. Eventually I remembered where it was, but until that moment of clarity, I destroyed my room by ripping apart my closet and bookshelves. I was able to spend some time tonight putting humpty dumpty back together again, and two garbage bags later, I still don't feel better about my room. I just think I have to finish the other half and then maybe I might feel like something was done. I don't know though and I have no idea how so much crap accumulates in such a small space, especially considering I am rarely home to spend any time in this room at all anyway. Ah well.

I made five stops on my way to work trying to find papers and they were all sold out. Thank goodness for an airport-type store in the mall that had two News and two Free Presses left. Enough for me and Kris. Yay! All that in 35 mins and I still punched in right at 1:00. I rock.
At work, I did the windows. They are mechanical this time and had mannequins. I got yelled at for complaining too much again. Dee said, "Amy, you used to be such a nice girl". She thinks some people (Dawn) influence me too greatly and make me complain; I say that my true colors are showing more now and how I like things to stay organized, etc in the back. She gave me another excuse. Whatever. There will always be an excuse and so I will always find something to complain about. I think I've decided on a timeframe for the store that involves my employment with the company. We'll see how that holds.

Then I stopped by my brother's on my way home from work to eat some leftovers from Dale's bbq. It was good. I came home to clean my room a bit, then we went to Jeff's for fireworks. It was nice seeing the gang again...my time hanging out has always been limited (school) but now because of my endless working it's even more drastically cut. I spent most of the night laughing at Lindsey's drunk ass. I can do that anytime, but it's so much more fun when the guys are there. I showed off the baby and the best reaction I got was, "wow, it's really blue". My brother came up with a kick ass description of the color, but I forgot it. It's almost worth mentioning on a myspace picture caption it's so good. It's been too long since I've seen my friends. I had a good time.

On another note: I'm sick of hiding in fear of rash judgements and thinking. I'm not afraid of that anymore; I can't be. I need to change things before I lose the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know what my problem has been and why it's taken me so long to deal with it. Maybe a weight will be lifted from my shoulders after it happens. Maybe I'll regret not doing it sooner because in the end, there was really nothing to be afraid about anyway. Maybe I'll just kick myself for being too proud and stubborn and fearful over something I should have never had to worry so much about in the first place. Damn the perfectionist within me. It's not illegal to be happy, what am I so afraid of?

I'm in the middle of working at least 20 days in a row. It could very likely be more than that and by looking at the calendar right now, I know it will be at least 21. Forgive my blogs if they are full of complaints about the bullshit that surrounds me. I'll try to make it a goal to write about one positive thing that happened a day to make it more uplifting and happy.