all i really want is to escape. please?

I don't want to talk about work today. I lost the deposit envelope from the Dossin on Sunday and I don't know where the hell it is. I got out at 1, an hour later than my half day should have lasted, but whatever. Like anything ever goes the way it's supposed to when I'm there anyway.

Since I couldn't retrace my steps from yesterday, I just put Johnny Cash on repeat and have now proceeded into a fun and exciting 'feel sorry for myself' mood. I'll trade his sleeping city sidewalk for my own low-tide crashing waves and call it a fair trade. Honestly, while listening to his music, I thought about things in my life, especially pertaining to some nasty label from yesterday. I don't why I'm so afraid to admit that it's the truth. I'm not one to deny the truth, especially if it's about me, but I don't know. I can only vaguely remember a time when I was considered by others to be a nice person. I'm not a nice person anymore. Those who think I am are either clouded by judgement or just don't know how nice I used to be to compare it too. Is my life really ruined and I'm not 25 yet? Is this a temporary personality glitch or permanent damage? How can I not even help myself over this brick wall I've just crashed into? How am I supposed to reach out and let others help me too? And how am I supposed to deal with the fact that the only thing I want more than my island escape is two hours away from me on an opposite schedule?

Add up all the odds stocked against me, my reward one day will be larger than words can describe. Until that time, keep reaching, I'm not out of bounds quite yet.