a month away

The thought that it is the 11th crossed my mind several times today. But it was quickly taken over by the realization that I have to work 28 days in a row. There's no one on the schedule to take my Thursday night, so I'll have to work that, but I did leave Dee a note at the end of the day saying that effective the next schedule, I am no longer available on Tuesdays. That job is wearing me down and it's not worth it. I won't move up anywhere and my payrate isn't going to increase any time soon. My passion lies with the museums, it has too, it's something I wanted when I realized I couldn't go through with the education courses. I lost that passion though, now not even two months into that job, and if I wasn't beating my brain up over my schedule today I was just contemplative on how sad it is and how quickly I've taken a turn for the worse. But things are different now. I have people in my life who care about me and that want to help me. I guess now all I have to do is learn how and when to ask for help.

My boss was back in the office today. And because I had FOUR voicemails when I turned on my phone from the store (I don't think I have ever, ever had four voicemails at one time, ever) and three were from the museum, I checked my work email. Among them was a rather encouraging email from Kathleen regarding Tiffany. She said it was fully her responsibility to check the schedule and because this was the second time she was late due to car issues, there may be a written reprimand coming. She closed with the following, which is a direct response to my saying that I know what it means to be more nurturing to her now: Think of this as great training, and let me know what you need from me. Other than making the alarms stop going off! Again with the learning how to ask for help. Think this is one of my greatest weaknesses? You bet! The good thing is that I realize it, won't deny it, and can now start to work on improving it.

I have to manage my time better. I need to do things that help me unwind and take my mind off of work. I'm almost done with House, then I think I'm going to force myself to read every single day regardless of how lazy or tired I am. It will be good for me. I went to Borders and the book that stands out is the 'complete idiots guide to managing people'. I hope it gives me some answers on how to better deal with those who don't handle responsibility in the same ways as I do and who don't have quite the same degree of work ethic.
Think of this as great training, and let me know what you need from me. Other than making the alarms stop going off!

Today at the store was shit. I have a negative attitude about it now yet still work my ass off. I went through 93 out of 134 boxes of shipment in two and a half hours. If I didn't stop to take out the trash before the night crew got there, I could have easily surpassed 100. But I was tired, my legs hurt, and I was too busy thinking about my bad attitude to care about unpacking shipment. I actually think it was quite theraputic - I threw around some shit and tore boxes up. All quite fun.

Tomorrow I'm making a rare appearence at the Dossin. It is Metro Detroit Youth Day on Belle Isle and is bound to be chaotic and busy. And the new VSA will be there to train at that museum. Lord, please let it be a good first impression...for both our parts.

A year ago I was in Gettysburg. I only remember because tonight is the All Star Game and it was played in Detroit last year. God what I would give to be there right now. My idea of going AWOL never sounded better. But hey, two weeks from right now, my first day off all month will be coming to an end. Isn't that exciting? Or optimistic if you will?