50 facts

1) I wrote a myspace blog last night and when I went to publish it, it deleted on me. I didn't bother trying to remember what I wrote, because I knew I couldn't make it sound as sincere the second time around.
2) When I read an email from Dee yesterday morning, I started crying. If even she knows I used to be a sweet and nice girl, then something is wrong. I don't know where I lost it, where to look for it, or if I'll ever get it back. I'm so jaded now that I doubt it and that makes me sad.
3) I walked in on my boss on a private phone call yesterday, made a snide remark afterward and quickly came to regret it. Proof that I'm a bad person and more reason to want to cry when I think of Dee's email.
4) I've had to take care of myself for so long that I don't know how to act now that I have someone who wants to share this arduous task.
5) If I don't stop being stupid and start saying things that are on my mind, I'll lose this and then spend the rest of my life regretting it. I know I don't have anything to be afraid of, but yet, I still freeze when the moments come along.
6) I'm about to be 25 and my life is in no way turning out (so far) the way I imagined. I do however, I think I am on the right road.
7) I have things to be happy about: I'm a college graduate with a job in my desired field; I have a new car, which is something I never thought would happen considering I have so much student loan debt; I'm in a relationship that is worth the two hours and my schedule that seperate us, because he is just that great of a guy.
8) I still have things to be bitter about: my jobs are all part-time; my non-college grad friends have no problems getting full-time with benefits; I'm only 24 and because my bills scare me, I live the life of a 52 year old man going through a mid-life crisis; I know I work too much and the sad thing is I don't even like what I do, but I can't do anything about it.
9) I downloaded an entire CD last night and listening to it made me feel better.
10) It was Tommy Shane Steiner's CD.
11) I'm a Detroiter and foreign cars still make me cringe.
12) After I work hockey games, my Canadian accent is even stronger than it is on a regular basis. Sometimes, I can't even understand myself.
13) If I had the chance to move away from Detroit, I'd strongly consider doing so in two heartbeats, even though this has always been and will always be home to me.
14) The story behind my island references: if I won the lottery tomorrow and had money left over and could go away, a tropical desintation would be my first pick. I think sometimes that life would be so much easier if it were just me and my hostage on an deserted island somewhere, without having to deal with the mass amount of people I come in contact with on a daily basis. I long for that escape and besides, an island in the middle of the ocean sounds so much better than a cave in Siberia. More relaxing too.
15) Once I got bored with the island, I'd move to Europe and spend months in different cities soaking up the culture and history.
16) If I were a better person, I'd make contact with my friends I haven't talked to in months or my pen-pal. I miss them.
17) I don't want to regret the museum job, but the changes in my behavior have been more and more obvious in the past two months. But maybe it's just a coincidence that my first day there was May 15th.
18) I think I can be good at it, I just can't take everything so personally.
19) I'll miss seeing Stevie play.
20) I consider myself incredibly lucky to have the chance to work hockey games and see the great names of our generation play. I look forward to the day when I can take my kids to the Hall of Fame and say, yeah, I saw him play for x amount of years. It's gonna be so cool, but I'm a dork too, don't mind me.
21) I thought of something to add before mentioning Stevie, but since I was at number 19, it only seemed fitting to bring him up. Now I can't remember what I was going to write.
22) If I decide to hang up my skates after Stevie's number retirement, I'd miss it too much and have to go back. I live for those quiet moments in the rink before doors open and for my season ticket holders and to say hi to Al and the guys, even if it's just for a second through the glass. I can't do that forever, but I'd be hard pressed giving it up willingly.
23) I still don't know what time I'm leaving for work today.
24) I also don't know what I'm outfit I'm going to wear.
25) For as busy as I am, I'm still really lazy sometimes.
26) I can't talk about anything happy or good for more than a minute without turning to something that irritates me.
27) I'm not sure I really like that people read this blog without knowing me. I'm not the bitch my writing makes me sound like I am, I just need to use this source to vent. Don't judge me on just my blogger. Please.
28) I wonder if there will ever be a time that I will have a normal work schedule and then attempt a normal lifestyle. Working around the clock really gets to you after awhile.
29) I can't figure out why I am still only on number 29. Speaking of which, I have the same birthday as Jason Williams and he was the first Red Wing that I met.
30) I keep that picture on my desk, along with a pic of me and my pen-pal's family, Cole and Steph, a signed Darren McCarty parade pic, and Vladdy.
31) I will not ever respect Ken Holland after the stunt he pulled on Cujo.
32) Stephie turned 11 yesterday. She's getting too old. One of these days, I'll be made her Godmother, but apparently this is not a priority with her mother and since I work weekends now, nearly impossible to accomplish.
33) I wouldn't have a problem if Kris Draper got the C. Better him than Nick or Chel, but I'm a die-hard Grind Line fan, what do I know.
34) I really have to stop using the number I am on to talk about my hockey players, but will someone please call Manny????? Please?
35) In a lot of ways, I've always been envious of my brother's free spirit when I've always had to be the responsible one.
36) I thanked my mom yesterday for both my summer birthday and my curly hair. The pic on my new driver's license emphasizes both. Had I known they would take my picture, I would have put some make-up to hide the dark circles under my eyes. :(
37) My car got smaller and lighter, but my tabs went up and arm and a leg. New cars - go figure.
38) I'm still not entirely sure I'm used to the baby Chev yet.
39) Passing a Corisca on the road is still hard for me.
40) Look, I'm up to number 40.
41) This is a lot harder than what I thought it was going to be.
42) It doesn't look like I'll be getting to a myspace survey this morning. Maybe tomorrow.
43) I know, maybe I'll just cut and paste this in myspace. It more or less says what I tried to write in my blog yesterday anyway. It was just a cry for help to my friends who don't read my blogger or don't have access to it because I use it to vent and bitch about the injustices that surround me.
44) I'm not so sure I should have just said that.
45) Five more to go and I am stuck...
46) You should watch House. Little did I realize that I once had Fox executives following me around to then create a television show based on a character with my exact personality. I hate the world and the majority of the people living in it and I think it's awesome there is a character on TV that shares the same view.
47) Everybody lies.
48) Half of 48 is 24. Jack Bauer is my hero.
49) Almost there...
50) And I'm done!