Perspective

Stuck in a rut at work largely due to the management above me, I've been stressed. My days have been nearly unbearable for far too long. I've come to the conclusion that I wasn't going to let them win and that I wouldn't go to work angry anymore. I shouldn't even care as much as I do while I'm there to get angry between 8-4. That is not always the case when supervising ten individuals, nine of whom require an extreme amount of guiding and coaching. But admist chaos, good things do happen, sometimes with kind words, sometimes with not-so-kind words:
* the executive director came to thank me personally for saving the museum - yet again - from floating down the Detroit River and said he truly appreciates my efforts in cleaning up, because not many other people step up and do that right away.
* when explaining the day's events at home and instead of hearing supporting words that I desire, I hear "why are you so angry all the time?" the velocity of that bitch slap snapped me right out of it. Starting Monday, I have a whole new perspective on the way I interpret things at work. And if they continue to stall the process, I am speeding up my search for a new job.
Sometimes I really wonder what my life would like if I actually did become a teacher, but then I am saddened by the possibility that I will never really get to do what I've always wanted to do. I can twist my job responsibilities in a way that will justify the idea that I am teaching with what I do, but I don't know if I always want to make it that difficult. Come fall, I think I am going to make it a priority to give the best tour I can - then sign up to give as many as my schedule allows.

With the house to myself this weekend I thought it would be a good time to spend time with my Goddaughter. I picked her up and went to see the Rat movie. I think it's bothersome that in every Pixar movie there is some element of getting separated from your family but how the family is always reunited and stronger than ever. After that we walked around the mall. Then we came home and ordered pizza and have been watching movies again. I think it's good that we're spending time together and that she's getting to the spend the night. And it's fun. It's taking my mind off the stressors of adulthood and reminding me of the simple things in life. I needed this. And while part of me is still torn and guilty and wanting to be supportive somewhere else this weekend, I think it's still important to remember my priorities and my family and that I can't be everyone to everybody about everything all the time. I have to learn to accept that that is okay sometimes.

No wonder I'm so exhausted all the time. That and we're turning more into Ray and Debra with every passing day.