It's MY Time

Projecting attendance numbers for twelve months - Projecting group tour numbers for twelve months - Projecting gift shop sales for twelve months - Projecting earned revenue for twelve months - Projecting expenses for twelve months - Coding inventory - Arranging displays - Setting up displays with coded inventory - Working 14 hours for re-launch events - Ensuring my staff know the new system - Ensuring my bosses know the new system - Organizing an unorganizable area - Spending my life at the other Museum trying to make it perfect - Greeting nearly 3,000 people on opening weekend - Dealing with hindsight and the woulda, coulda, shoulda's after a successful event - Bringing home work to do because 7 hours isn't enough time for it (plus one hour since I didn't take a lunch break those two weeks either) - Ignorning myself, my house and those around me trying to live up to and exceed the higher up's expectations of me and my department - And in the meantime, coaching ten people who report to me with their daily responsibilities and ensure museum operations continue without any glitches...

Can you begin to imagine how burned-out, exhausted and how completely stressful budgets and Museum re-openings can be? Maybe I didn't do it justice, but at least I tried to paint a picture. And I'm no artist.

Today is a company holiday (thank you for the crucifying, Jesus) and I capitalized on the long weekend to make it a longer weekend...to take some time for R&R and to attempt to recuperate from the madness I've endured the last two weeks.

Therefore, I am off to visit my best friend who moved to Chicago four and a half years ago and I only get to see a half dozen times a year at best. This wasn't as easy a decision as it should have been since another festivity arose during this same time frame. I considered (and exhausted) all of my options and the outcomes of me staying or going. I'm going because I could stand some time out of the house and by myself and with my friend who just gets me, who I don't have to worry about talking in front of, who understands everything I am going through and who gives me the support and comforting words I need to hear. And this is my long weekend and my recuperation and time for me to decide how to spend it and enjoy it. I chose not to spend time with people who refuse to give me a chance, who don't go to great lengths to make me feel welcome, or like they want there, or that they even pretend to like me. I am so confident in who I am and what I do and am such a strong person that I shouldn't even care what they think of me. Why should I care? People at work say I'm dating him, not his friends. But I don't like or want to be thought of as the bitch who stole him away or as stuck up or that I am too good to participate. I know that I can be a jerk of person but I also am a firm believer in reciprocating actions and behaviours that are shown onto me. And I honestly believe that the ball is in their court. They might ask where I am and when he tells them, I can imagine the sigh of relief going through some of their minds. I know they won't miss me and I'm glad he'll have a chance to catch up without me being there. But I won't miss them either - I won't miss trying to find a person who will want to try to talk to me or to include me and I won't miss worrying about what tone of voice I use and how if I do speak it will just bring silence. I'm going to a place and to spend time with people where I don't have to worry about any of that. That is my goal with this vacation time. And it doesn't even bother me that some of the people I am talking about might read this. It's my blogger and my outlet and I have absolutely no other reason to think differently.

So it's off with me to the Windy City to try to reprioritize my life, remember what's important, how to implement that in my daily routines and attempt to learn how to smile and laugh again. And since I failed miserably at what my goal for Lent, I shall try to work on that upon my return.

Shalom